I had a TSA Checkpoint Experience^TM at ACY (Atlantic City, New Jersey) last Monday. I made the mistake of wearing cargo pants through the checkpoint, not realizing that this article of clothing is a sure sign of a terrorist. I made it through the magnetometer just fine, but I was stopped upon passing through it by an over-zealous TSA agent. In my heart, I just know that the agent would rather have sent me packing, or made me run my pants through the X-Ray machine; and that he was disappointed that he had to settle for a pat-down.

So what did he find in the pat-down? They way he talked, you'd think it was contraband, but he felt something in one of the cargo pockets and asked what it was. I took it out, it was the latest threat to aviation security: a package of Chuckles. He explained that the Chuckles needed to go through the X-Ray machine. Dude, it's candy, it's in a clear package, and WTF do you think an X-Ray machine is going to show that you can't see with your own eyes? Come on, really--clear plastic wrapping is a wet dream for TSA inspectors because they can see exactly what you've got and don't have to come in contact with it. Visual inspection is an amazing tool, only this particular inspector didn't see that. I didn't protest--the candy just wasn't worth it--and onto the conveyor belt went the chuckles.

The inspector also felt my left pocket and asked what was in it. I told him it was money and credit cards, and he asked me to remove it from my pocket. I held it up to show him, but that wasn't good enough. He demanded that I hand him my cash so he could inspect it. He wanted to take my cash to look at, as if I were the one person out of the hundreds of thousands of travelers that day who dared to walk through a checkpoint with cash in his pocket. The agent was one footstep away from my screaming "Thief" and making a scene, but one of his accomplices was watching and would probably have beaten me if I did that. Fortunately, the agent was smart enough to know I was onto him, and he held the cash and cards in my plain sight while he rifled through them looking for my James Bond Laser Torch with Credit Card Form Factor. Good thing I left that at home.

I know the TSA has a job to do, but singling out people for ridiculous inspections because they're wearing cargo pants doesn't do much to promote good feelings between the government and the flying public. Putting my Chuckles through the X-Ray machine is laughably stupid. And taking my cash and credit cards from me to inspect is unreasonable, given that they don't do this to other travelers. This search was exemplary of the degree of pettiness these agents exercise in the course of their work. This search--especially looking at my wallet--didn't protect anybody, anywhere, an it's the type of thing that needs to stop.